wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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