No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize