omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
