Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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