Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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