She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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