Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
