i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i came on her dog
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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