sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
