Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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