the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
True college students do jello shots in the library
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
