i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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