i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
