We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
