she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
