Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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