I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
