Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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