i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
