I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
