guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
