i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
