I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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