Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
