When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
