Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
