My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
