sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
