I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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