I think my fart just growled at me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
