i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
