Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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