WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
