actually, I'm a sock model
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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