I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
