you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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