Already got asked if we're dating
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
