Don't make out with my wife yet
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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