Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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