totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
