why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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