found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
