Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
