what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wear drunk well.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
