you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
