I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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