Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
me + whiskey = a bad person
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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