I cannot find my penis.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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