My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
