I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
