Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
