ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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