I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
