I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
