Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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