Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
