You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
