I'm lost and stupid without you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
