My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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