My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
