I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
