Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
