Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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