i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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