i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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