Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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