How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
