Duck Duck Cougar?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were trust falling into bushes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
