I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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