well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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