I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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