I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
