I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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