Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
