iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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