It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
