They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
