i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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