I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
