i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
