Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
