i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
