I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
