So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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