I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize