took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
