If i come over, it means nothing
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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