Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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